My Biggest Regret

People think about cults and suddenly their mind goes to shaved heads, living in communes, men with several wives, and of course drinking Kool aid and Waco. I am here to say that there are several cults that operate in all cities across this nation.
I know, starting from 1986 and continuing for 13 years I was in a cult. This cult was a very strict born again religion. The pastor had the ulitimate say in all decisions in your life, who you date and marry, where you work, if you own a home or not. There are "churches" out there that believe they have the special gift from God. Now if you are young and get caught up in the hype of experiencing God's love you can be fooled very easily. They use brainwashing tatics, using same phrases over and over again through out their preaching and it tricks your brain. Now I did not live in a commune but the "church" dictated your daily schedule and keeps you very busy. It's a combination of things that happen for people to get involved in cults. They make you feel special, and use this tatic of bombardment love. You go to visit a church service and we would go to work to "lock" you into our church. I am using the word "lock" the same way they taught us to. "After a visitor becomes a convert you must tie them into the flock, get them locked into our church." Of course this came under the guise of caring for you and your family, we were taught that you earned ministry by ministering, having people over to your home for dinner and such. I met my husband in this cult and we just celebrated our 18 yr of marriage. We have been out since 1998. I was the one who had enough and told him I could no longer attend. Of course that meant we would be getting divorced, as lots of people who left did in fact get divorced, but it was not because they left, it was because of what made them go there in the first place. I am very ashamed that I was involved in this organization, it is as my title says, My Biggest Regret.

I stared this blog in April, have made some wonderful friends and like to read what is happening in everyone's life. This is a part of me, this has shaped me into the woman I am today.

When I left I walked around in a fog for years!!!! Really, I felt like I had come out of a time machine, went in in 86 and came out in 98. I mourned for years the lost time I was in that place. I had to work hard to restore relationships with my family because if you were not in the "church" you did not know anything. I think I apologized to every single person in my life after I got out.

I will explain some things I used to believe. Of course gays and lesbians were sadly confused, and living a lie, abortion was wrong in every situation, hollywood was evil and if you watched movies and TV, you were allowing garbage in.

Once I got out, I had to figure out who Lisa is....it took me some time to decide. I had forgotten who the real me was.

I no longer believe gays and lesbians are confused or living in sin. They are people just like me who fall in love with people just like me. I am both pro choice and pro life, which for me was very hard. I don't think I would ever abort a child, but do not want that option taken away for others. It is a personal decision. Now I see that hollywood is just entertaiment, you can choose what you want to watch and you are not going to hell if you even like to view porn.

One of the sad things about me being involved in this cult is I felt like I was raped my the bible, or at least molested. They used the bible as a weapon, to keep you in line and do what they wanted. I tried to read it again soon after I was out, but all I kept seeing was the way they had twisted all the words. I have put that on hold for now, it's been a few years since I tried to read it. I also told God, I don't have a problem with you, but sure do with "your people" This has been a hard post to write, I have tried several times to get it out, but then delete the whole thing and never have published it. I have heard people say to me, Lisa there must be some good things you got out of that experience? I have come up with one good thing.....I AM OUT!!!!!!! I'll write more later, this is all I have right now