A Secret

When I had my second child, I felt like I lost my mind! Now I am being completely honest with you....It felt like my whole life was turned upside down. My first born was almost 5 years old when I gave birth again. I was so out of the whole diaper bag, car seat carrier, change of clothes needed at all times mode! I remember being so overwhelmed and crazed!

No one rarely speaks of this, these feeling of inadequate and helplessness because mother are supposed to be selfless angels. I was so beside myself in my own mind, very stressed out. I now can see that yes, maybe I did experience some kind of post pardon depression, but at the time, I had no idea.

I was an avid sewing, crafter and whatever struck my fancy. I used to design my own clothes, changing patterns and using pieces of this one with that. I would even make up my own patterns too! After my second child was born....it's been 10 years since I have sewn!!!!!! I am telling you- something happened to my brain! I didn't have the patience to figure out measurements, or the time to even sit and sew. It was a passion of mine that I had done for about 8 or 9 years, but I had to let it go. The thing is, I didn't even feel bad about it, I had changed, but it did puzzle me! I remember the exact time I realized this, I was sitting at my machine, I heard the kids screaming about something? I just got up, I said in mind, I can't do this and I never went back to it!!!!!!

Slowly, I have tried to get my shit together, but still feel like I am not fully the same person since I had my second child. My husband had wanted a third child, and has never really let it go. As recently as this spring he was still asking about having a baby! I could never agree to it though, I feel like I have my hands full as it is!