My Two Cents

I have been reading so many people's view about Tom Cruise lately, I decided I should say my peace.

Mental health issues are so touchy. I am speaking from direct experience of having to come to grips that my brain just does not work right. I shared before that I have dealt with depression and that I suffered for many years. I lived many years in this- reject the whole psychiatry/doctor delusion and it didn't go well. So many years I felt like I was on a ladder with the rungs kicked out and I could not get a grip on my emotions. I sought help through the only way I knew and did not find any answers.

When I was finally able to break free from my cultic mindsets, I was able to see a change towards the positive in my life. I went to therapy, I was put on medicine and I was able to start sorting through this life I had created. I felt like I lived in repair mode with my children for years when I was able to get on the meds. No more short fuse, no more emotionally unavailable, I was present and feeling better.

Then of course the bottom drops out again. I realize after being depressed for several months, Hey, Lisa, this is depression. This is why you are thinking those loathing thoughts about yourself, this is why you are trying to figure out a way to do yourself in with out too much damage.

I was so sad, I was pathetic! I would write in my journal I am depressed that I got depressed again!!!!!!! You see depression tricks you, and I could not see it, and my husband could not recognize it either.

So another process starts....... I said to myself, You did your therapy, you got on the meds and you still got depressed. I talked to my doctor, "some people have stay on the meds for life, some people struggle with it forever."

That was when I had to accept that my brain does not work right. I have found that traumatic events in childhood actually changes your brain. So yes, it is a chemical imbalance.

Seeking help was so hard for me, and TC's comments do not help people. These comments have set back mental health issues by at least 25 years. The mind set of pull your self up by the bootstraps of the 50's does not work.

It's scary to see someone explode before your eyes, because Tom Cruise is living in delusion, he really believes that he knows what he is talking about!!!

Suzanne and Lorenzo 

Don Pablos

We had so much fun at dinner! My daughter surprised me and asked if my sister Suzanne could come with us. I said, "give her a call and see!" She came, I knew she would, and brought her two sons, Johnny and Lorenzo with her. This is the reason why Calla wanted my sister to come, for Renzi!!
This little brown boy has transformed our lives! This little bundle of contentment has sparked such a flurry of love! It's fine that Calla wanted to see Lorenzo and that is why she asked about Suzanne coming. It brought us together, we talked, we toasted Calla, we laughed and loved!
This little brown boy who surprised our family and has united us!

Waiting for the sound
listening for the drop
of the other shoe
to resound mightily

Why am I like this?
Am I just a realist?
Or a girl looking at the glass that is...

What Lisa?
Is the glass half full or empty?
You decide


Looking at the glass half full
but she knows that is just a myth
Or can wishful thinking dictate anything?

Then why wish on all of your falling stars?
You know you do
The heartfelt prayers sent forth
Like the bright flash of the sparking light

Oh let it be different
Let there be success
Ringing Loud
Healing Wounds
Saving Us

I cut off her tiara, but you get the idea! 

WHOOOO HOOOO!

OH my! I am so excited!!! My daughter and I went and got some new sneakers to start our walking program! She is overweight also and I told her, you will be transformed before you start 9th grade!!!! She is very excited! We went shopping together and I was showing her food labels and helping her understand, we do not have to starve, we have to make better choices with our food!!!

She graduated from middle school, she had alot of trouble adjusting to 6th and 7th grade with all the different teachers, keeping everything organized, BUT she pulled it together this year and did so awesome the whole year for 8th!!! OMG I have a 9th grader!!!???

I was so off the egde by the time I was in 9th grade, my daughter has a sassy mouth, but she is really a good kid!!! We are going out to dinner tonight to celebrate her graduation and I got her tiara! I snapped a a pic of her too!

Good News!

I have been eating well and feeling so much better
Now I see I have lost a whole size!!! My appetite
has gone way down! I eat several small "meals" a day,
sometimes this is just a nice yogurt and fruit, or even fruit alone.
I am still loving my salads, I have been having them nearly
everyday! I am planning my "quit day" for smoking too!
I know I need to stop this bad habit and must let it go!

I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. This is a hormonal
imbalance, effecting woman's periods and fertility.
I was very lucky and fortunate to have two children
as one doctor told me I am not ovulating at all.

One of the horrible things that comes with PCOS
is facial hair. Not just the stray hair on your chin!
I'm talking I if I left it alone, I could grow a beard.
YUUUK!
It has been a uphill battle with this for sure! I have
tried everything from waxing, too tweezing, Nair and
even shaving!

I did some research on this condition and found that
there is a cream that you can use to help slow the growth.
It is called Vaniqa and it is available with a prescription.
I was at the doctors yesterday and he gave me a sample
tube, plus a prescription for it! I am to use it twice daily and
should see results in about 8 weeks! I figured, the 8 weeks is
going to go by anyways! I might as well try to bring some
relief to this problem in the mean time!

This has really effecting me, I am not sure if you can relate
but woman are not supposed to have facial hair!
I'll let you know the results, but I am excited to at
least be doing something other than 'grooming' the area!

Great Fun!

I had a wonderful weekend! The weather was gorgeous and it was hot!!
I was over at my friend's Lisa house three days in a row!
Lisa has a wonderful back yard, landscaped beautifully, she has a cabana,
and a kidney shaped pool!

Lots of drinks, lots of grilling and lots of laughs!

I even went swimming!!! I put the ol' bathing suit on and made it in the pool!
OH it felt great!!!

I hope you all had a good weekend too!

Why Can't

Why Can't you go to the store in your pajamas?

Why Can't you get a expiration date on your car like on milk, so you don't spend $450 on brakes and then two weeks later the transmission goes and it's not worth fixing?

Why Can't you just dye your hair once and the grey will never come back?

Why Can't there be no more yelling at my house, my daughter, husband and myself included?

Why Can't there be a way to turn back time and do some of those really dumb things over again?

Why Can't you, when you realize that you are going to be late, just blink your eyes and you'd be where you're supposed to be?

Why Can't puppies learn how to go outside to do their business the first time or at least the
second?

Why Can't really creepy people have some sort of warning, like their left eyebrow lights up, so you would recognize them and run!?

Please share your Why Can't-s!

Painting

I did alittle pot for my aunt yesterday, wanted to share!
She loves African Violets and I am sure she will grow some real beauties in this!

Violet Pot 

Weird

What is this I am feeling? I have a craving for what? You got to be kidding me, ok let me get this straight.... I am craving yogurt with fruit? What?? ME??? Craving yogurt with fruit?

Now this is one strange feeling, this I must have yogurt with fruit!!! I have always craved Krispy Kremes, pizza, chocolate or chicken wings, But Yogurt with fresh fruit, I may have to take my temperature.

Or better yet, get my ass out to the store and run with this one fast!!!!

Fresh Lemonade

This is one of my favorite drinks in the summer time, I decied to share my recipe!

About a cup of sugar
2-3 quarts of water
4-5 lemons squeezed
vodka (optional!)

Take about 4 or 5 cups of the water and the sugar bring to a boil, make sure all the sugar has dissolved, let cool. Add the lemon juice and pour into a pitcher, put lots of ice in a nice tall glass and pour over! The vodak in it is really GOOD!!! :)

April

I visited my friend Terry in England in 2003. We met online in 1998 and she had come to the States in 2000. We became best friends as we are so much alike! So in 2002 she invited me to come to England, she wanted me to come and stay at her house, meet her family and see her country. Also I was able to meet some *Real* English Bulldogs!!!

I saved for a year and I was able to go, We had a blast!!!

I have not shown these pictures to many people because I thought I looked very fat!! But on this afternoon her little Momma girl April climbed up into my lap and I was talking with her sweetly, then she just started licking (kissing) my face and letting me know she trusted me, and knew I would not harm her pups. I was laughing so hard, the harder I laughed the more she persisted, all the while my friend is snapping pictures!! I didn't even know, but this was joyous time for me, I thought I'd share it with you all!

This is April a sweet Momma girl, we became fast friends!

She was kissing me here and I just started laughing, it just made things worse! 

She wanted that hat off my head! 

She was not taking no for a answer! 

I finally surrended to her, she had won! 

No Apologies

I know that my blog has become very political and that may turn people off, but I can not stop!

Ok maybe I will lay off for awhile, but I do just have one more thing to say.

Saturday after reading the DSM, I was enraged! I was talking to my hubby who was a strong Bush supporter the first time he ran. I had told him everything that I felt, actually over and over again, everytime adding bits more!

So on Saturday I told him, you need to say it, Rick you need to admit it right now! I was right, this whole thing with Iraq was just Bush's agenda, he was pissed that Saddam had tried to kill his father and this was his way to get back at him, Now say it Rick!! I have been right all along!

He did! He admitted it!!!

So I cried, I said to him, I wish people would of listened to me and looked into the facts before they voted him back in (Rick can not vote, long story!) I was talking mostly about my siblings, and my mother. I wish I could of had an impact on people to search out the truth and felt like I had made a difference.......

Then my 14 yr old daughter said, You have made a difference Mom, you have made an impact on me!! I half heartedly smiled, yes honey, but I mean adults, people who can vote. But mom, she persisted, please don't be upset, you have made a big impact on me, I have looked at things differently over the years that you have been talking about all of this, I have seen the letters you have written to Washington, I have heard the phone calls you have made. I know that America should never of gone into Iraq, mom, please believe me, you have made a difference!

Quite honestly I was stunned! I was silent, I thought about it, these are the people I can influence, my children, these are the people I can encourage to seek out facts and not just be led around by our government. I have made a difference

Father's Day

Well it's here again, good ol' Father's Day, a day to honor your father and lavish gifts on him.
Father's Day has been hard for me in the past, I'd get panic just thinking about what I should get him, is there going to be party where all my siblings act like everything is great in their life, a big fake Sunday afternoon.

But, not this year, this year is different, last year I confronted my father (not on Father's Day of course) But I just had to know so I asked.
"Dad, I am 40 years old, I have been married to the same man for almost 18 years, have two children that I work everyday very hard for, work to communicate with them, care about their education, I am not in jail, I'm not a prostitute, I'd help anyone that would ever ask me, and sometimes see a need and just do it, when are you going to accept me for me?"

You see, my father is a pessimist. Everything is black, everything is wrong, and I could never do anything right in his eyes, at least that was the way I saw it. Before this conversation with him, the man was harassing me about my gardens!!! Are you going to plant flowers this year? Are you going to trim those bushes? Ok, let's see, you can't find anything but my gardens to harass me about??

I had it! So he tried to convince me that he did accept me, but I knew better! He promised he would not say anything else about my life as I must have everything under control. Oh there you go again, being sarcastic and mean!!!

But I must say, my relationship with my father is much better, he is a bit of a bully and I finally stood up to him! When you are able to do this you, you are able to take the power away from these types of people!

Now don't get me wrong, I love my father, my gosh, he is my father! But I am a grown woman, I run a household, I have kept my family together thru some wicked shit and I deserve to be accepted for who I am!

My father is Greek. He loves all the different kinds of Greek food. I just got done putting the mixture together for grape leaves. Somehow I have been nominated to make the grape leaves for any kind of holiday, mostly Christmas. I don't mind, my mom calls me, and asks me, Can you make some grape leaves, you know how much your Dad loves them! I do it happily!
No-one called this week and asked, I figured the man has everything he can every dream of, why not make him his grape leaves and make him smile, he is after all my father.

BTW- he will get his grape leaves, and small box of chocolate (his favorite)
But I skipped the card this year!!! :)

Downing Street Memo

UUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!!

Ok any of you that have been reading my blog know that I said if anything else happens with the US Foreign Policy I was going to scream! I was skeptical about the whole pre-war rants, I heard Bush say that Hussein was related to the Ricin Ring in London, he was addressing the FBI with Colin Powell standing by his side, all TV shows were pre empted and they had the live feed to the meeting. I was shocked as I heard him say that Saddam was linked to this as everything I had read was indicated that the men were from Africa!!!! I looked at Powell and his face said it all, he looked at the president like, "Where the hell did you come up with that?" Hmmmm, Colin Powell is no longer associated with the Bush administration, I wonder why? I can spectulate that he was unnerved by Bush and his insanity. I am!
I have read the memo, I have signed the petition, I have sent a letter to my representative and I hope to see some answers.
One of the hardest things to cope with about this administration is people all over the world view Americans as stupid, either not looking at the facts or unwilling too. We are being led around by this dunce, hatred for America is growing by the hour, and my children will bear the ramifications for this. Is it no wonder they hate us?
Please go and read the memo for yourself
www.downingstreetmemo.com

Robbed

You were old I was young
We talked and I flirted
You led and I followed
We kissed and I felt special
You knew but I didn't
We laid on the ground
But I said no
You pushed me down
But I said no
You laid on top of me
But I said no
You finished I faded
You left I showered

Are you a big man now?
Conquering a young girl?
Are you proud of stealing my innocence?
Robbing me of such preciousness

__________________________________

Yes I was raped, no I didn't tell

I was barely a teenager and felt I could not tell anyone, the tragedy of this is my life spiraled out of control for almost 20 years. I finally told my mother about 5 years ago- It shed some light on why things were the way they were in my life. Please talk to your kids, keep an open communication about sex with them. Please encourage opening up about things like this because they happen way to much in this country.

BTW, I typed up this poem and sent it off anonymously to the bastard! I had to wrestle with that for almost 30 years so I felt like I owed it to him!
Chew on this for awhile you prick!

Bad Dream

I got up to go to work this morning, was farting around trying to get my bearings as it was almost 4am. I hear my little boy cry out, "Calla? Mamma? Anyone???"

I have a three bedroom house but it really is considered a two bedroom as you have to walk through my son's bedroom to get to my daughters, because of this many mornings they end up in Calla's double bed. Well it has been so hot that she has been sleeping downstairs in our play room on the couch.....so she never heard her brother's cry.

But I did, I was running to try and turn on the upstairs hall light as I knew he was out of his bed. I said Ricky, Ricky, what's wrong buddy? Bad dream? he said yes.....

"Go pee and then go into my room and get in bed with daddy, you'll be OK,"

Ok Mamma.

After I got back from work and went to wake him from school I asked him, what was your dream about? he said SPIDERS!!! Poor boy!

Lucky Day

I was up at the Lake today, helping my sister get the living room painted. It is coming along very nicely!

So before I came home, I knew I needed to stop at the store and get some more lettuce and fruit. So I did my shopping and came home. Rick came in a little later and told me, we have satisfied our part of the mortgage agreement so our mortgage will be going down!!!! YEAH!!! We have been very strapped for money the past 8 months so this is a relief!!!

Then the phone rang and they asked for Rick, he was talking, mostly listening and then asked me, Honey did you go to Wegmans today? (Our local grocery store) I said, yeah I just came from there, well someone found your wallet!!!!!!! OMG! I started crying!!! I am such a looser, I didn't even know I had left it behind! It was in the little chair part where you put a small child and I pushed the stupid cart into the corral and went home!!!!!

The people were so nice, they said, We know where you live, we'll just bring it over to you!
I wanted to give them a reward but they refused...I said, someone was looking out for me today!

MJ

Well I for one am glad it is over. Not sure what to think about the verdict, but am glad he does not have to go to jail. I don't think he would make it in jail....I thought he would flee or commit suicide. My sister-in-law still think suicide is still an open option for him as this has really ruined him. He did not look good yesterday, an skeleton man walking.

I hope he gets well, I hope he stops sleeping with boys in his bed and protects himself against this in the future. He promised he would when it happened in 93, who knows?

Life is hard for me, so complex
It seems no time to do much more than survive
Waiting for the next wave,
The looming, rolling crest just bellowing at my back
Waiting for the drowning water
Smashing my head
Saltwater stinging my nose
All the way down my throat
Pain

Dead Dried Loud Leaves
Swishing round your feet

Dead Dried Loud Leaves
Crushing underfoot like
wasted days of life

Dead Dried Loud Leaves
Dropping as a reminder of
time spinning

Dead Dried Loud Leaves
Crunching their warning
of no guarantee on anything

Depression

I feel it lurking
It is there in the wings
I feel it looming
Waiting to take over everything
I feel it waiting to pounce again
Can Not Stop It
But do not know when
It strikes and I fall
I'm off the edge
Everything is darkness black
How will I ever get back?

Jimmy Carter

This is just the end part please go here http://nobelprize.org/peace/laureates/2002/carter-lecture.html to read the entire speech, it is wonderful! BTW they call it a lecture!


Ladies and gentlemen:

War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

The bond of our common humanity is stronger than the divisiveness of our fears and prejudices. God gives us the capacity for choice. We can choose to alleviate suffering. We can choose to work together for peace. We can make these changes - and we must.

Missed Rosie

Oh man I missed her on The View Friday! I love this woman!

I was really sad when she decided to leave her show, but I still had her magazine! Then she lost that and it was a long time she was away. I did see her on Tuesday show and enjoyed it, but heard about her BBQ segment when she was drinking the beer and sangria! Too funny!

I think the reason why I love Rosie is becuz she is a big girl and thinks like me. I was surprised as I felt the exact way about the war in Iraq as she. I had been flipping out from August 2002 when Bush started his rants about Iraq. I was like where the hell is this coming from? I felt they did not have anything to do with 9/11. Yes, we had heard that one of the hijackers had been in Iraq, meeting with some offical and maybe? inquiring money? Nothing was ever concrete though and I am the type of person to look at the facts and the facts were.....

Out of the total number of hijackers 17 or so were Saudi's, a guy from Yemon and I think Pakastan. NOT one of these hijackers were from Iraq? Osama is NOT from Iraq, again another Saudi, he was the one who took credit for 9/11. So I was very confused and to be honest freakin OUT that Bush was starting his Iraq rants! I wrote Hillary Clinton as I am a New Yorker, I wrote many, many congress and house of represenatives including the white house!!! I in no way wanted out nation to attack this country!!

Now I had not seen or heard much news about Rosie for about 2-3 years, just little tid bits about her haircut, her magazine, and taboo. So now I read her blog, and saw her debate Hannity and it confirms why I love this woman so much!!! I do not like war, I am a peacemaker, my hero is Jimmy Carter!! Have you ever heard his Nobel Peace speech? At the very end he says, "what can we learn by killling each other's children?" Please excuse me, that is paraphased by Lisa! But you get the jist.

In my view this is another Vietman, yes I know, no-where near the death toll as Vietnam BUT

It's not over...it's still continues to this day. Children and innocent people bombed and killed daily. I say it is like Vietnam because it is based on the same principals ---LIES!!!!! I got myself in such a tether about this war that I got depressed and no- not I am depressed I've had a bad day depressed. I mean not functioning and look I am wearing the same clothes three days in a row depressed!

I always believed America was "For the people, of the people" When I realized this was not the case I was very sad. What I felt I did not matter, I was unheard, useless, worthless.
In my life time I had not seen protest like this all over the world, before we bombed the shit out of that nation. I was unnerved and frazzled!

Now I read Rosie's blog, she is passionate, she is asking why? How could we do this? Why did we attack this nation!!

This is why I love Rosie!!

Bored Shitless

Man, no one is online, and I can't get ahold of any of my IRL friends!!!! It is raining and I am so freakin' bored!
Decided I could sit and type to myself and then in turn actually be typing to you!

My sister has bought a cottage! This is big news in my world becuase she is one of my best friends! So my best friend and her hubby bought a cottage. The location of it:

Now that is the big news!

My grandmother on my mom's side had a cottage on Silver Lake in Perry NY and I spent many, many years on the lake. There were woods that we ran in, swam and boated!! All my memeories of that place are wonderful! As I grow older I have noticed that alot of my memories from my youth are not that great! So I cherish the good ones, but I disgress......

Back to Silver Lake! They are fixing this cottage up and it is going to be gorgeous!! I went and painted ceilings and they are putting in a new kitchen and bathroom! I was up there yesterday and my sister is too funny! She is the kinda of person that looks at life like, You gotta just do it! That is what I love about her, her get up and go attidue! Well this place is going to fantastic and a chance to build those memories for our kids!

Well, I am feeling much better! I am almost done with my meds and am getting my strength back. I have been doing well with my diet, now when I use the word diet I do not mean diet like, suffer, don't eat, and starve myself diet. I just mean my intake of food, my diet!
I have been eating lots of fruits and love my apple sauce! I am afraid to eat any red meat! I have had chicken on a salad, in fact I have been having a nice salad with chicken, and lots of goodies for lunch for about 7 or 8 days now. When it comes time for dinner, I am not hungry? Weird? But I am going with it!!
I have seen a change in my face and my clothes are fitting better, no-one has said Wow, have you lost weight? But I know I have! It's funny when you start to loose weight, you do want people to notice! I am very heavy so it will take alot more pounds to come off for people to notice! but that is OK, I am in this for the long haul!

My parents have been married for 45 years. I have always seen them as a unit. Like two fingers your pointer and middle finger, close together. I have had problems with my Dad, he was never home when we were growing up, he owned a bar and bowling alley and it took alot of his time. He was not intereseted in what we were doing as kids.

I had the lead role in a play when I was 13 and asked him to come on a Friday afternoon to see it. We were doing the play on both Friday and Saturday nites but he was unable to make both of those shows. So I came up with an idea, Hey Dad you can come and see it when we do it for the school on Friday afternoon. I reminded him daily the week of, it's Friday Dad at 2pm. I did the play, Sorry Wrong Number, I had the part of the invalid woman who hears her own murder accidentally on the phone. I was on stage the entire show, I had mega lines to learn as ever scene I was in. So the day comes, and I am sure he is out there, we finish up and I go out to see what he thought. Oh my- even just remembering it now brings a sting to my eyes and heart. I looked and looked for him, thought for sure he would of waited to see me afterwards in the hall outside the auditorium. Well, yes you guess it, he did not show. I was devasted, things like these happened alot with my father.

Now fast forward two years ago, my mom suffered a heart attack and was in the hospital. I rushed up to see her. She was in quite abit of pain and did not look good. I was so scared, I had always seen my mother and father as a unit, a pair, my parents.

I had to make some adjustments in my mind. My mother is not my father, she showed up and saw my things, she supported me as best as she could. My mother is a kind and sweet person, who happens to love a very flawed man. My mom got better, she is not the same as before her heart problems started, she can't do everything she used to be able to do, but I am really close to her. Last year I baked her a birthday cake and brought it to her on her special day. We had gone out to dinner to celebrate with everyone the weekend before, but I wanted to bake her a cake so I did. I see her seperate now, a woman who has a great kindness and concerned about her kids and their kids.

I am so glad I had the opportunity to see her apart from my Dad. Their marriage has always been about him, it is slowly changing and he is not the focal point. I make sure I talk to my mom weekly, I make sure she knows how much I love her and care about her. I can't lump her into just being my parents any longer, she is not my father.

Inspiration

I have been thinking about something alot lately. I have a problem sometimes with anxiety, well most times! I am so self absorbed it kills me! So I go into a store and think that this person is thinking bad about me, blah, blah, blah......a negative mantra going 'round and 'round in my brain.

Well I just thought of something!!! What if everyone has these thoughts? What if everyone is thinking the same thing? There would be no time for anyone to think bad about ME!!! They would be worrying about what others thought about them!!!
Just a thought.......

Uh OH!

As you know I've been sick for a time and now I am trying to catch up!

I got my son ready for school Monday and noticed his shorts had a small tear in them. He usually refuses to wear anything with a hole in them!!! Oh NO Mom I can NOT wear these- is what I thought for sure I would hear. But he put them on and off he went! So two hours later I get a call from the school nurse. "Ricky has a big hole in his shorts and needs new pants!"

Panic set in, I have no other shorts that is why he was wearing the ripped ones!!! Oh sure no problem I'll be there in a few!!! I hang up and go into investigation mode!!! Summer has come to Upstate NY and it got very warm fast!!! Where are that boys shorts??? I did find him a pair and he was so happy!
I snuck over to Wal-Mart today, my WM has just gone under a huge change and they made it into a megastore- These kinds of stores are not my friend! I hate how big they are , I hate how many people are always in there so to go at 8am was perfect for me!

I made out well, got him 6 different shorts and shirt outfits plus a new bathing suit. Now my little will not have to wear anything will any holes in it!!

Oh Boy!

Ok I've done it! I've gone and made myself sick! For many years I have eaten anything I have every wanted whenever! I've had no regards to putting on weight, loosing my chin and gaining a second and third. Now the topper comes and my colon can no longer stand it!!!! It has been strained and has pouches that are infected........ouch!!!!!

So I have had a mind change! A major one at that! You are what you eat Lisa and it has come to bite me in the ass- OH MY!!! Ok lets see now, add fruits and veggies to your diet and stop the high fat foods. Ok I can do this, but what do I do about the emotional eating?

Last August something really horrible happened to my family, I dealt with it they way I have always deal with pain and anguish-I ate! Ben and Jerry's became my best friends, I would buy them two at a time and polish off one a night! I can not believe I am confessing this!!! My family knew, my son said to me, "Momma you always put the top back into the carton after you are done, you don't put the top back on, you squish it down inside like you have conquered it!!" He is a smart boy! yes I would conquer food, turn to it when I was sad, and happy. So now I must confront this, I must work out this thing that has control of me and stop killing myself with food.

Mental note to self:
Food is not my friend
Food does not heal emotions
Food is not the answer